Funerals

     I caught an editorial piece in the Sunday Tribune about funerals; it was titled “Your Funeral Is Not For You”.  Yikes!  That usually sends a chill up the back of my neck and gets me grinding my teeth.  However, I read the article and I have to say that the writer, a Catholic, had a good point: there are so many folks now a days who decide they don’t want a funeral and that is really, really sad.  The good point that the writer made was that we sometimes forget how important it is for those around us to get the closure that funeral rites can provide.  That is certainly true and we should all be VERY conscious of this as we make our funeral plans.  BUT THERE IS SO MUCH MORE!  And this poor writer missed out on it as he waxed eloquently from a 70’s, less than Catholic vantage point.  Did I mention that he IS Catholic?  But then, so many in our pluralistic society have allowed the culture to form their faith rather than (as it ought to be) bringing the resources of our very rich Catholic faith to bear in evangelizing the culture.  We must always remember that our faith is the fullness of reality: the Truth God wants us to have and in which He invites us to live.

     As Catholics we are taught that the funeral is in fact first and foremost about the one for whom the rites of Christian burial are being performed.  It has been revealed to us in Sacred Scripture that we will not enter into heaven until we are perfect – that is, perfectly cleansed of all sin.  Through private revelation, Fatima leaps to mind, we understand that Purgatory is a great gift in which that cleansing takes place, but that cleansing requires the prayers of those we have left behind as well as of the Saints in heaven.  This is why funerals ought to always take place in the context of the sacrifice of the Mass.  It is also why we continue to have Masses offered for those who have gone before us.  So, YES! the funeral is indeed about YOU, even as those who attend and assist in these sacred rites find closure and are then able to commend the loved one to God.

     As for what the aforementioned editorialist wrote regarding “gathering the people, telling the stories, and breaking the bread”:  this is another area where we as Catholics can sometimes slip into non-Catholic modes of thinking and practice.  The Mass is about Christ, His sacrifice, and how we share in that sacrifice – in life and in eternal life.  The Mass is not the place for eulogies as both the universal norms state and as these have been restated in the particular norms of the Diocese of La Crosse.  The time to “gather the people and tell the stories (about the deceased)” is the WAKE; which far too many people forego now a days.

     Please don’t cheat your family and friends of the opportunity to gather together and remember you!  If you don’t want people gawking at your body then have a closed casket wake, but have the wake!  This is the proper time to “tell the stories”, that is – to eulogize the loved one.  It’s also a great time to display mementos that are not appropriately brought into church (playing cards, golf clubs, toy tractors, etc.).  It’s also a wonderful time to share the decedent’s favorite song(s), poem(s), or stories.  It’s an important time to share our grief and our joy at having known the person.  This is why it is good to have the Wake Service at the beginning of the wake since people can then be there to enjoy, appreciate, and participate.  Too often when it is time for the wake service there is almost no one but family left: what a sad testament that is to our love for the one who has passed over into eternity.

     As you make your funeral plans please invite me to have a chat with you about the wonderful things we can do to celebrate your life at the wake and then to celebrate the salvation Jesus offers in the funeral Mass.  It isn’t just about being Catholic and doing things “right” – really it’s about discovering and experiencing something of the fullness God wants for us even while here on earth.

     When I get a little time it would probably be worthwhile to prepare and publish a pamphlet for folks as they plan their funerals.  It would probably save a lot of frustration and grief on my part and help all involved to know what a Catholic funeral should look like.  Now to find the time.

     Well, go ahead and share your thoughts.  I'd be particularly interested in knowing what you think ought to be included in such a pamphlet for the preparation and planning of funerals.  Until then...

     Remember who (and Whose) you are!

            Fr. Klos